Uncomfortable Sexual Situations

[DazzlingNova]

Over the past few days I’ve been reading an ok-ish amount of post pertaining to this topic, and it jogged a few memories from my past.

For quite a few of us (not all) who are/have been in long distance relationships where sexting/cybering will eventually come up (hints gradually lead to full discussions to both consenting) at some point in time. I remember having 2 exs (one when I was 20, the other when I was 23) that wanted me to heavily degrade/belittle them while we did that. It was very odd and unsettling for me but during those time periods I was just so over the moon to have a girlfriend and wanted to make things work/make them happy. Looking back, I don’t feel ashamed (many do) about it because that’s how we learn what we like/don ‘t like (sexually in this scenario) and form boundaries (in my case/opinion), but I did regret doing them because it made me highly uncomfortable but I was more concerned about not disappointing them instead of expressing my feelings.

Now, I’m curious. Have any of you ever been in a sexual situation with a current or ex girlfriend that made you feel uncomfortable but you did it anyway to please her? You can be as vague or as descriptive as you’d like. I had a friend share with me an experience that she had with an ex gf that made her very uncomfortable to the point where any woman she’s dating that wants to try/does that is an automatic no/pass.

[Guest]

Parentheses abuse makes me uncomfortable

[Guest]

choking. it is weird to me. does not make me hornier AT ALL. at some point it became toxic and i over exaggerated and almost went over board... we split. best decision EVER

[DazzlingNova]

choking. it is weird to me. does not make me hornier AT ALL. at some point it became toxic and i over exaggerated and almost went over board... we split. best decision EVER

I'm glad you were able to get out of that relationship anon. Since we're on the subject of choking, I remember a woman from several years ago who was a member of the same server room as myself. She was divorced and in her early 40s. One day the other women in the group wanted to share their "kinks." There wasn't anything said that I would consider to be outlandish but when she logged in and caught up with what we were discussing, she tells us she's into choking. I won't bore you with all the details but this is a comment she made that I haven't forgotten, "There's no bigger high in the world than being partially unconscious and having a strong orgasm at the same time. The euphoria of feeling oxygen come back into your lungs while you're basking in the afterglow of sex is a very intimate and powerful experience." That was the most creepiest thing I had ever read at that time.

[Guest]

choking. it is weird to me. does not make me hornier AT ALL. at some point it became toxic and i over exaggerated and almost went over board... we split. best decision EVER

Yikes. There are two things people call choking - actual choking, and just putting a hand on your throat - and while I really like the second one, I'm always a little wary of asking for it because actual-actual choking has gotten really scary normalized.

[Guest]

This is one of the most obnoxious and bizarre topics I've seen on this forum. DazzlingNova, girl I wish the mods would ban you for a bit so you could get your head on right. jfc

DA
I think having a conversation or two about these things is a first step towards educating and raising self-awareness, both things especially vital for young women/lesbians.
I am so sorry if this topic was in any way triggering for you, but I truly believe we need to talk about these things. Too many young women are being talked into things they wouldnt normally accept if they werent being normalized, whether by porn, media or peer pressure.
Pearlclutching wont help the case, and neither will calling the OP names when all she did was open a very interesting debate about where one's desire ends and another one's right to say no begins.

[Guest]

DA
I think having a conversation or two about these things is a first step towards educating and raising self-awareness, both things especially vital for young women/lesbians.
I am so sorry if this topic was in any way triggering for you, but I truly believe we need to talk about these things. Too many young women are being talked into things they wouldnt normally accept if they werent being normalized, whether by porn, media or peer pressure.
Pearlclutching wont help the case, and neither will calling the OP names when all she did was open a very interesting debate about where one's desire ends and another one's right to say no begins.

Anal, once. Was not a gf but not a onetime fuckbuddy either. I'm turned off by ugly things, so no to most porn (barely watch), ugly sex toys, weird unattractive stuff like chocking, degrading, humiliation, bdsm, etc. Otherwise I'm sexual in various ways, enjoy sex/body with the right persons.

For non-porn-watchers like me, maybe having pride in openminded?/not puritanical, the first route to receive the normalised anal acceptance is the media, sex column/mag written by women (sure CEOs may be men; but some of us more accept stuff sold by women), mainstream entertainment, then.. no peers pressured but it's been freely talked of as part of normal that one still has a choice not to do. Like blowjob talk among straight women.

Like 'normal part', 'missing out certain pleasure', 'body is made to receive pleasure all over'. In theory it sounds plausible, like 'pleasuring nerve-ending'. In my case it didn't hurt at all. Already very aroused by that point. Finally she shoved a stuff, gently and more. I have a clean diet/obsessive ass hygiene but it turned me off when she then kissed me with that tongue, touched my vagina with the same finger and so on. No trauma, no obsessive thinking-back but surely hell I would have said no if I knew it's not cool or fun. Life learning with bad experiences that I never needed.

[Guest]

The girl I'm with just has certain interests I'm not always comfortable with. She doesn't force me and she's very loyal and perfect in every other way but I sometimes feel awkward about not being able to do these things. Maybe it's because she's on the more masculine side.

Before we met and we started talking she told me she liked anal, fisting and seeing the vaginal entrance wide and how arousing it is to her. That is not my thing at all and I don't even want to try. It's way to extreme. I love kink and we've explored that and she enjoys it but I have my limits. She also has this strap on which is on the much bigger side and seems to have this fascinating with widening the vagina lol.

It's awkward at times she will bring it up then quickly move along when I give her that weird look. I hope it does become a problem because there's no way I'm doing that shit.

[DazzlingNova]

This is one of the most obnoxious and bizarre topics I've seen on this forum. DazzlingNova, girl I wish the mods would ban you for a bit so you could get your head on right. jfc

DA
I think having a conversation or two about these things is a first step towards educating and raising self-awareness, both things especially vital for young women/lesbians.
I am so sorry if this topic was in any way triggering for you, but I truly believe we need to talk about these things. Too many young women are being talked into things they wouldnt normally accept if they werent being normalized, whether by porn, media or peer pressure.
Pearlclutching wont help the case, and neither will calling the OP names when all she did was open a very interesting debate about where one's desire ends and another one's right to say no begins.

Thank you for understanding anon. The purpose of this was to connect with women who've been made to feel like/similar to me and to show other women that it's ok to express their feelings if something being suggested doesn't make them feel right. It's very unfortunate if this really was triggering for that person, but I've learned that what's triggering for one is a heavy weight lifted/therapeutic for others. A burden that's ready to be discussed and possibly healing in a way.

[DazzlingNova]

The girl I'm with just has certain interests I'm not always comfortable with. She doesn't force me and she's very loyal and perfect in every other way but I sometimes feel awkward about not being able to do these things. Maybe it's because she's on the more masculine side.

Before we met and we started talking she told me she liked anal, fisting and seeing the vaginal entrance wide and how arousing it is to her. That is not my thing at all and I don't even want to try. It's way to extreme. I love kink and we've explored that and she enjoys it but I have my limits. She also has this strap on which is on the much bigger side and seems to have this fascinating with widening the vagina lol.

It's awkward at times she will bring it up then quickly move along when I give her that weird look. I hope it does become a problem because there's no way I'm doing that shit.

Your story is very reminiscent to a girl I was once friends with. Her gf was on the masculine side as well and had the same identical fascinations as yours, said the same things (made hints, then stop for a good while just to hint at it again/rinse and repeat), loving, caring, kind, etc., even the size of strap on. I know you aren't her etc. but it's so astounding how similar you/her/everything is

The difference is, you aren't going to do it, but she finally gave in to her gf one day and did. The gf always took her time etc. from what I was told but it became a staple every time they had sex. The gf did get her fantasy fulfilled by widening my friend's vagina. The details are fuzzy right now but a few years later (roughly 2 in a half years after the widening started but they had been together a total of 4 years/a touch over) the gf started talking to this other girl behind my friends back and eventually she broke up with my friend to start doing the same things with this new girl. It completely blindsided my friend because she thought they were going to get married and be together forever.

It was bad and I mean really bad for a while to the point where her mental health started to deteriorate. She heavily confided in me and said how much she hated the way her vagina looked, how she never wanted to do it in the first place but her gf made everything seem so sweet and innocent. She hated the fact she just didn't stick to her word and not do it and also hated herself. She did eventually get help but her mental downfall sticks with me and it's something I don't want/like seeing women/lesbians go through. Your story anon has struck a very sentimental cord in me.

I am by no means saying this is exactly how things will go down with you and your gf. You are right to stick to your guns so to speak and not do it. I really don't understand why it's still even being mentioned/hinted at. She knows those particular things are too extreme for your taste. They are beyond your limits/boundaries so she needs to leave it be and not bring it up to you even innocently. I wish you a long good relationship anon but at any point in time if you have this gut feeling that it could lead to problems, listen to that feeling, discuss it. If nothing changes and it turns into a sneakier/more manipulative version of "rinse and repeat," then she and that relationship is not the right fit for you.

[Guest]

Wtff is this widening vaginas and fisting male crap

[DazzlingNova]

Wtff is this widening vaginas and fisting male crap

It was very weird to me when my friend first told me about it. I didn't understand because I honestly thought that was something men were into, not lesbians.

[Guest]

The girl I'm with just has certain interests I'm not always comfortable with. She doesn't force me and she's very loyal and perfect in every other way but I sometimes feel awkward about not being able to do these things. Maybe it's because she's on the more masculine side.

Before we met and we started talking she told me she liked anal, fisting and seeing the vaginal entrance wide and how arousing it is to her. That is not my thing at all and I don't even want to try. It's way to extreme. I love kink and we've explored that and she enjoys it but I have my limits. She also has this strap on which is on the much bigger side and seems to have this fascinating with widening the vagina lol.

It's awkward at times she will bring it up then quickly move along when I give her that weird look. I hope it does become a problem because there's no way I'm doing that shit.

You are a dating a wannabe man. And you deserve it cause obviously you like men. Many men are obsessed with that widening of vagina stuff.

[Guest]

The girl I'm with just has certain interests I'm not always comfortable with. She doesn't force me and she's very loyal and perfect in every other way but I sometimes feel awkward about not being able to do these things. Maybe it's because she's on the more masculine side.

Before we met and we started talking she told me she liked anal, fisting and seeing the vaginal entrance wide and how arousing it is to her. That is not my thing at all and I don't even want to try. It's way to extreme. I love kink and we've explored that and she enjoys it but I have my limits. She also has this strap on which is on the much bigger side and seems to have this fascinating with widening the vagina lol.

It's awkward at times she will bring it up then quickly move along when I give her that weird look. I hope it does become a problem because there's no way I'm doing that shit.

Your story is very reminiscent to a girl I was once friends with. Her gf was on the masculine side as well and had the same identical fascinations as yours, said the same things (made hints, then stop for a good while just to hint at it again/rinse and repeat), loving, caring, kind, etc., even the size of strap on. I know you aren't her etc. but it's so astounding how similar you/her/everything is

The difference is, you aren't going to do it, but she finally gave in to her gf one day and did. The gf always took her time etc. from what I was told but it became a staple every time they had sex. The gf did get her fantasy fulfilled by widening my friend's vagina. The details are fuzzy right now but a few years later (roughly 2 in a half years after the widening started but they had been together a total of 4 years/a touch over) the gf started talking to this other girl behind my friends back and eventually she broke up with my friend to start doing the same things with this new girl. It completely blindsided my friend because she thought they were going to get married and be together forever.

It was bad and I mean really bad for a while to the point where her mental health started to deteriorate. She heavily confided in me and said how much she hated the way her vagina looked, how she never wanted to do it in the first place but her gf made everything seem so sweet and innocent. She hated the fact she just didn't stick to her word and not do it and also hated herself. She did eventually get help but her mental downfall sticks with me and it's something I don't want/like seeing women/lesbians go through. Your story anon has struck a very sentimental cord in me.

I am by no means saying this is exactly how things will go down with you and your gf. You are right to stick to your guns so to speak and not do it. I really don't understand why it's still even being mentioned/hinted at. She knows those particular things are too extreme for your taste. They are beyond your limits/boundaries so she needs to leave it be and not bring it up to you even innocently. I wish you a long good relationship anon but at any point in time if you have this gut feeling that it could lead to problems, listen to that feeling, discuss it. If nothing changes and it turns into a sneakier/more manipulative version of "rinse and repeat," then she and that relationship is not the right fit for you.

Sorry but your friend is a loser and should just date men at this point. Wannabe men and women who love these wannabe males give lesbians a bad rep. Some of us lesbians do actually love women you know.

[Guest]

That wannabe male is not loyal btw. If they were loyal they would respect your wishes. Typical male behaviour to manipulate you into doing what they want by playing nice. Lesbians who date ugly mascs deserve the Ill treatment they get from said ugly mascs. You all ain’t even lesbian imo. One of you wants to be a man and the other (aka you) is love with masculinity

Men and men lite always get weird and territorial with sex. Like they were the one to widen your pussy and put claim on it. Ugly ugly stuff where they once again don’t see woman as a person but a trophy to possess. And these wanna male lovers like you and dazzlingnovas friend play into that same ugly hetro dynamic in “lesbian” relationships too. You all deserve each other and stay away from actual women who are happy being women and loving actual women

[DazzlingNova]

The girl I'm with just has certain interests I'm not always comfortable with. She doesn't force me and she's very loyal and perfect in every other way but I sometimes feel awkward about not being able to do these things. Maybe it's because she's on the more masculine side.

Before we met and we started talking she told me she liked anal, fisting and seeing the vaginal entrance wide and how arousing it is to her. That is not my thing at all and I don't even want to try. It's way to extreme. I love kink and we've explored that and she enjoys it but I have my limits. She also has this strap on which is on the much bigger side and seems to have this fascinating with widening the vagina lol.

It's awkward at times she will bring it up then quickly move along when I give her that weird look. I hope it does become a problem because there's no way I'm doing that shit.

SPOILERSPOILER

Your story is very reminiscent to a girl I was once friends with. Her gf was on the masculine side as well and had the same identical fascinations as yours, said the same things (made hints, then stop for a good while just to hint at it again/rinse and repeat), loving, caring, kind, etc., even the size of strap on. I know you aren't her etc. but it's so astounding how similar you/her/everything is

The difference is, you aren't going to do it, but she finally gave in to her gf one day and did. The gf always took her time etc. from what I was told but it became a staple every time they had sex. The gf did get her fantasy fulfilled by widening my friend's vagina. The details are fuzzy right now but a few years later (roughly 2 in a half years after the widening started but they had been together a total of 4 years/a touch over) the gf started talking to this other girl behind my friends back and eventually she broke up with my friend to start doing the same things with this new girl. It completely blindsided my friend because she thought they were going to get married and be together forever.

It was bad and I mean really bad for a while to the point where her mental health started to deteriorate. She heavily confided in me and said how much she hated the way her vagina looked, how she never wanted to do it in the first place but her gf made everything seem so sweet and innocent. She hated the fact she just didn't stick to her word and not do it and also hated herself. She did eventually get help but her mental downfall sticks with me and it's something I don't want/like seeing women/lesbians go through. Your story anon has struck a very sentimental cord in me.

I am by no means saying this is exactly how things will go down with you and your gf. You are right to stick to your guns so to speak and not do it. I really don't understand why it's still even being mentioned/hinted at. She knows those particular things are too extreme for your taste. They are beyond your limits/boundaries so she needs to leave it be and not bring it up to you even innocently. I wish you a long good relationship anon but at any point in time if you have this gut feeling that it could lead to problems, listen to that feeling, discuss it. If nothing changes and it turns into a sneakier/more manipulative version of "rinse and repeat," then she and that relationship is not the right fit for you.

Sorry but your friend is a loser and should just date men at this point. Wannabe men and women who love these wannabe males give lesbians a bad rep. Some of us lesbians do actually love women you know.

We were both friends with the same girl and that's how we eventually became friends. She could be gullible at times, yes, a people pleaser, and easy to manipulate depending on the person. I don't know, maybe subconsciously I was making an effort to be her friend so she wouldn't get so easily taken advantage of since she was so nice. Indeed I know. That's why my particular taste in women are completely different from my friends.

[Guest]

Any kind of butt stuff is a definite no for me. I had one gf who really tried to convince me to give it a try up to the point where i felt put under pressure and another gf who also was Fond of my boundaries in that regard.

[Guest]

The girl I'm with just has certain interests I'm not always comfortable with. She doesn't force me and she's very loyal and perfect in every other way but I sometimes feel awkward about not being able to do these things. Maybe it's because she's on the more masculine side.

Before we met and we started talking she told me she liked anal, fisting and seeing the vaginal entrance wide and how arousing it is to her. That is not my thing at all and I don't even want to try. It's way to extreme. I love kink and we've explored that and she enjoys it but I have my limits. She also has this strap on which is on the much bigger side and seems to have this fascinating with widening the vagina lol.

It's awkward at times she will bring it up then quickly move along when I give her that weird look. I hope it does become a problem because there's no way I'm doing that shit.

Your story is very reminiscent to a girl I was once friends with. Her gf was on the masculine side as well and had the same identical fascinations as yours, said the same things (made hints, then stop for a good while just to hint at it again/rinse and repeat), loving, caring, kind, etc., even the size of strap on. I know you aren't her etc. but it's so astounding how similar you/her/everything is

The difference is, you aren't going to do it, but she finally gave in to her gf one day and did. The gf always took her time etc. from what I was told but it became a staple every time they had sex. The gf did get her fantasy fulfilled by widening my friend's vagina. The details are fuzzy right now but a few years later (roughly 2 in a half years after the widening started but they had been together a total of 4 years/a touch over) the gf started talking to this other girl behind my friends back and eventually she broke up with my friend to start doing the same things with this new girl. It completely blindsided my friend because she thought they were going to get married and be together forever.

It was bad and I mean really bad for a while to the point where her mental health started to deteriorate. She heavily confided in me and said how much she hated the way her vagina looked, how she never wanted to do it in the first place but her gf made everything seem so sweet and innocent. She hated the fact she just didn't stick to her word and not do it and also hated herself. She did eventually get help but her mental downfall sticks with me and it's something I don't want/like seeing women/lesbians go through. Your story anon has struck a very sentimental cord in me.

I am by no means saying this is exactly how things will go down with you and your gf. You are right to stick to your guns so to speak and not do it. I really don't understand why it's still even being mentioned/hinted at. She knows those particular things are too extreme for your taste. They are beyond your limits/boundaries so she needs to leave it be and not bring it up to you even innocently. I wish you a long good relationship anon but at any point in time if you have this gut feeling that it could lead to problems, listen to that feeling, discuss it. If nothing changes and it turns into a sneakier/more manipulative version of "rinse and repeat," then she and that relationship is not the right fit for you.

Thank you for the kind wishes. I feel so bad for your friend. Sometimes you do feel pressured because you want to please. Since I've always considered myself a pleaser especially in the past.

My girlfriend is not weird about it and she wasn't before. She would bring it up as being something that fascinates her and it made me feel self conscious because I am never going to do it. Now she will bring it up maybe playfully, I guess seeing where I'm at with it. We've been together for a year and some change now and I don't think it's something she needs to get off because she seems very satisfied but honestly if she's hoping I'd change then she needs to find someone else because that's way too out there for me.

[DazzlingNova]

Any kind of butt stuff is a definite no for me. I had one gf who really tried to convince me to give it a try up to the point where i felt put under pressure and another gf who also was Fond of my boundaries in that regard.

1000% agree with you anon. That's a shame that happened to you unfortunately twice, but I'm glad you got out of those relationships. There was this woman I met on a dating site that I liked because she caught my interest early on. A few weeks of talking and she started telling me about how much she loves giving/receiving anal. I won't give all the details but I started to feel that pressure you are talking about. I don't like to get mad/argue but I got sick and tired with her trying to convince me to like/do both, so one day I said, (please excuse my language and the graphicness here)

SPOILERSPOILER

"Look lady. My ass is exit only and my mouth/fingers aren't going to be stuck in your ass or anybody else."

That really surprised her lol.

[Guest]

I didn't know DazzlingNova could serve somebody up with something like that!

[DazzlingNova]

The girl I'm with just has certain interests I'm not always comfortable with. She doesn't force me and she's very loyal and perfect in every other way but I sometimes feel awkward about not being able to do these things. Maybe it's because she's on the more masculine side.

Before we met and we started talking she told me she liked anal, fisting and seeing the vaginal entrance wide and how arousing it is to her. That is not my thing at all and I don't even want to try. It's way to extreme. I love kink and we've explored that and she enjoys it but I have my limits. She also has this strap on which is on the much bigger side and seems to have this fascinating with widening the vagina lol.

It's awkward at times she will bring it up then quickly move along when I give her that weird look. I hope it does become a problem because there's no way I'm doing that shit.

SPOILERSPOILER

Your story is very reminiscent to a girl I was once friends with. Her gf was on the masculine side as well and had the same identical fascinations as yours, said the same things (made hints, then stop for a good while just to hint at it again/rinse and repeat), loving, caring, kind, etc., even the size of strap on. I know you aren't her etc. but it's so astounding how similar you/her/everything is

The difference is, you aren't going to do it, but she finally gave in to her gf one day and did. The gf always took her time etc. from what I was told but it became a staple every time they had sex. The gf did get her fantasy fulfilled by widening my friend's vagina. The details are fuzzy right now but a few years later (roughly 2 in a half years after the widening started but they had been together a total of 4 years/a touch over) the gf started talking to this other girl behind my friends back and eventually she broke up with my friend to start doing the same things with this new girl. It completely blindsided my friend because she thought they were going to get married and be together forever.

It was bad and I mean really bad for a while to the point where her mental health started to deteriorate. She heavily confided in me and said how much she hated the way her vagina looked, how she never wanted to do it in the first place but her gf made everything seem so sweet and innocent. She hated the fact she just didn't stick to her word and not do it and also hated herself. She did eventually get help but her mental downfall sticks with me and it's something I don't want/like seeing women/lesbians go through. Your story anon has struck a very sentimental cord in me.

I am by no means saying this is exactly how things will go down with you and your gf. You are right to stick to your guns so to speak and not do it. I really don't understand why it's still even being mentioned/hinted at. She knows those particular things are too extreme for your taste. They are beyond your limits/boundaries so she needs to leave it be and not bring it up to you even innocently. I wish you a long good relationship anon but at any point in time if you have this gut feeling that it could lead to problems, listen to that feeling, discuss it. If nothing changes and it turns into a sneakier/more manipulative version of "rinse and repeat," then she and that relationship is not the right fit for you.

Thank you for the kind wishes. I feel so bad for your friend. Sometimes you do feel pressured because you want to please. Since I've always considered myself a pleaser especially in the past.

My girlfriend is not weird about it and she wasn't before. She would bring it up as being something that fascinates her and it made me feel self conscious because I am never going to do it. Now she will bring it up maybe playfully, I guess seeing where I'm at with it. We've been together for a year and some change now and I don't think it's something she needs to get off because she seems very satisfied but honestly if she's hoping I'd change then she needs to find someone else because that's way too out there for me.

You're most welcome Yeah I did too. In the beginning when she told me what had been going on I didn't come at it in the right fashion. I was so angry with her saying stuff like "Why did you let her do that to you? That's lowkey psychological abuse you idiot." I must admit that was not the proper way. I don't regret what I said, but I do regret how I executed it/wished I could've reworded some of it. Older wiser me handle situations more delicately if I can. I can identify with the "pleaser in the past" part because that's what I was doing with some of my exs.

Hmm, same as my friends gf. She didn't obsessively talk about it like a weirdo either but gradually over time things started to change subtly. You didn't/don't have to feel self conscious about it. You won't have everything in common with your gf and that includes sexual taste as well. That's the problem, she shouldn't be "playfully" bringing anything up that goes against your boundaries. She's sneakily trying to coerce you into doing something that makes you uncomfortable, "seeing where you are," a red flag. Since it's only been a year that's not a very long time. I honestly don't trust her. I feel she's hiding her disappointment in you not being into it behind a facade, but that's me and you know her better than I do. She won't tell you she's hoping you'll change. Unfortunately you're going to find that out on your own and whenever you do (if that's indeed the case) I can only hope it's not several years down the road.

[DazzlingNova]

I didn't know DazzlingNova could serve somebody up with something like that!

She became insufferable lol

[Dragonfish]

I don’t think I’ve ever been in an uncomfortable situation with a woman, fortunately, but I’ve been with women that have and I’m always mindful of their past experiences and go out of my way to ensure they are comfortable.

I’m pretty open to things (within reason) sexually, but I also know what I like and don’t like and make it known. That definitely comes with age and experience I think having the confidence to say “do it this way” or “like this” etc.

[Guest]

Reading some of your comments, I had no idea some of these things even existed. Like this whole vagina widening thing, I am 37 and never knew that existed. And I didn't spend last fifteen years of my life in a monastery, I swear
It does make me sad seeing/reading how some women will use the same pattern that men do to manipulate their gfs to do stuff they wouldn't normally feel comfortable doing. And that's why I think it's important to talk about it.

I can't say I was ever pressured to do anything but I tend to have long term relationships where I'm able to gradually develop confidence and entirely give myself away. So first it will all start a bit on vanilla side and over time we'll talk about spicying things up. I always believed my partners, I knew they wouldn't hurt me and everything was discussed previously.

One thing that wasn't a trauma but just something I wasn't really into was with an ex who liked very raw sex. She liked to use a lot of toys and always encouraged me to be very rough. I never enjoyed this so I was happy when we broke up. I understand we are all different but I find no pleasure in degrading, causing pain or holding complete power over someone during sex. Light bondage and games are fun but anything more extreme is not my cup of tea. Also not being able to have sex without introducing toys felt like all the intimacy between us was lost. Most of the times it looked like a hatefuck and after it I didn't feel satisfied but wasted and spent.

[Guest]

Reading some of your comments, I had no idea some of these things even existed. Like this whole vagina widening thing, I am 37 and never knew that existed. And I didn't spend last fifteen years of my life in a monastery, I swear
It does make me sad seeing/reading how some women will use the same pattern that men do to manipulate their gfs to do stuff they wouldn't normally feel comfortable doing. And that's why I think it's important to talk about it.

I can't say I was ever pressured to do anything but I tend to have long term relationships where I'm able to gradually develop confidence and entirely give myself away. So first it will all start a bit on vanilla side and over time we'll talk about spicying things up. I always believed my partners, I knew they wouldn't hurt me and everything was discussed previously.

One thing that wasn't a trauma but just something I wasn't really into was with an ex who liked very raw sex. She liked to use a lot of toys and always encouraged me to be very rough. I never enjoyed this so I was happy when we broke up. I understand we are all different but I find no pleasure in degrading, causing pain or holding complete power over someone during sex. Light bondage and games are fun but anything more extreme is not my cup of tea. Also not being able to have sex without introducing toys felt like all the intimacy between us was lost. Most of the times it looked like a hatefuck and after it I didn't feel satisfied but wasted and spent.

Vagina widening? Wth

I've never heard of such monstrosities

[DazzlingNova]

I don’t think I’ve ever been in an uncomfortable situation with a woman, fortunately, but I’ve been with women that have and I’m always mindful of their past experiences and go out of my way to ensure they are comfortable.

I’m pretty open to things (within reason) sexually, but I also know what I like and don’t like and make it known. That definitely comes with age and experience I think having the confidence to say “do it this way” or “like this” etc.

Thank goodness. I'm like that as well. Whenever a woman tells me about very unpleasant things they've experienced I do everything in my power to make them feel at ease and secure. Same (bolded part). As soon as the time presents itself I'm like I don't do/open to this, thus, and so. Yeah I agree. With age and experience comes a bit more confidence and smart stubbornness haha

[Guest]

Impressed that, despite a rocky start, L Chat seems to be managing to have a thread about sex that isn't going to be Elizabeth'd to death. It's an important subject and I wish this board was better about engaging with it, because lord knows there's no point bringing it up in any other "lesbian" space.

Kudos DN.

[Guest]

You are a dating a wannabe man. And you deserve it cause obviously you like men. Many men are obsessed with that widening of vagina stuff.

Sorry but your friend is a loser and should just date men at this point. Wannabe men and women who love these wannabe males give lesbians a bad rep. Some of us lesbians do actually love women you know.

That wannabe male is not loyal btw. If they were loyal they would respect your wishes. Typical male behaviour to manipulate you into doing what they want by playing nice. Lesbians who date ugly mascs deserve the Ill treatment they get from said ugly mascs. You all ain’t even lesbian imo. One of you wants to be a man and the other (aka you) is love with masculinity

Men and men lite always get weird and territorial with sex. Like they were the one to widen your pussy and put claim on it. Ugly ugly stuff where they once again don’t see woman as a person but a trophy to possess. And these wanna male lovers like you and dazzlingnovas friend play into that same ugly hetro dynamic in “lesbian” relationships too. You all deserve each other and stay away from actual women who are happy being women and loving actual women

x1000 Wtf Indeed

[Guest]

Any kind of butt stuff is a definite no for me. I had one gf who really tried to convince me to give it a try up to the point where i felt put under pressure and another gf who also was Fond of my boundaries in that regard.

I appreciate your perspective on this as I'm exploring a rimming fanfic prompt and keep wondering if writing it is going to isolate my regular reader base bc I realized I have zero idea what other lesbians tend to think about regarding this stuff -- I can definitely see why women wouldn't enjoy anal penetration of any kind, but I think rimming is generally pretty safe in terms of peoples likes (like i'm into it myself for example). But ofc it can vary from person to person, so some wouldn't like any ass stuff period, and that's normal.

Anyways, this is an interesting thread to be sure!

[DazzlingNova]

Reading some of your comments, I had no idea some of these things even existed. Like this whole vagina widening thing, I am 37 and never knew that existed. And I didn't spend last fifteen years of my life in a monastery, I swear
It does make me sad seeing/reading how some women will use the same pattern that men do to manipulate their gfs to do stuff they wouldn't normally feel comfortable doing. And that's why I think it's important to talk about it.

I can't say I was ever pressured to do anything but I tend to have long term relationships where I'm able to gradually develop confidence and entirely give myself away. So first it will all start a bit on vanilla side and over time we'll talk about spicying things up. I always believed my partners, I knew they wouldn't hurt me and everything was discussed previously.

One thing that wasn't a trauma but just something I wasn't really into was with an ex who liked very raw sex. She liked to use a lot of toys and always encouraged me to be very rough. I never enjoyed this so I was happy when we broke up. I understand we are all different but I find no pleasure in degrading, causing pain or holding complete power over someone during sex. Light bondage and games are fun but anything more extreme is not my cup of tea. Also not being able to have sex without introducing toys felt like all the intimacy between us was lost. Most of the times it looked like a hatefuck and after it I didn't feel satisfied but wasted and spent.

I unfortunately got exposed to "vagina widening" when I entered into my first lesbian chatroom a couple of months after turning 19. It is sad and abusive on top of that. I agree, talking is good for the honest people who want an honest relationship. It's upsetting when the narcissistic manipulators who wear a carefully crafted, dutifully planned disguise cross paths with good people and draw them into their web.

I see nothing wrong with the vanilla approach and gradually spicing it up a bit. That builds good foundation and trust. It looks like most of your partners have been caring and understanding so I'm glad you were able to have that with them. Ahh I see. Unfortunately I've crossed paths with the "raw rough sex toy loving" women (stories for another time) as well. Good grief. I'm happy you were able to get away from her anon. There are things I don't mind, even a few new things but extreme stuff no thank you.

[Guest]

Any kind of butt stuff is a definite no for me. I had one gf who really tried to convince me to give it a try up to the point where i felt put under pressure and another gf who also was Fond of my boundaries in that regard.

I appreciate your perspective on this as I'm exploring a rimming fanfic prompt and keep wondering if writing it is going to isolate my regular reader base bc I realized I have zero idea what other lesbians tend to think about regarding this stuff -- I can definitely see why women wouldn't enjoy anal penetration of any kind, but I think rimming is generally pretty safe in terms of peoples likes (like i'm into it myself for example). But ofc it can vary from person to person, so some wouldn't like any ass stuff period, and that's normal.

Anyways, this is an interesting thread to be sure!

I wasn't into it at all but I read a fic I won't mention once that handled it really well, and it was like watching one of those docs about an incredibly niche smalltown competition made with such love for the game that you look at the whole thing differently afterwards.

DA

[DazzlingNova]

Impressed that, despite a rocky start, L Chat seems to be managing to have a thread about sex that isn't going to be Elizabeth'd to death. It's an important subject and I wish this board was better about engaging with it, because lord knows there's no point bringing it up in any other "lesbian" space.

Kudos DN.

Indeed, there really isn't. This is the only forum where I feel comfortable discussing lesbian topics. I figure since we can talk about the things we like/enjoy about sex, how about we talk about the things that have made us feel uncomfortable about sex that we've experienced with current/past girlfriends/women. Thanks anon. I hope this thread is not only informative but also helpful.

[Guest]

Any kind of butt stuff is a definite no for me. I had one gf who really tried to convince me to give it a try up to the point where i felt put under pressure and another gf who also was Fond of my boundaries in that regard.

I appreciate your perspective on this as I'm exploring a rimming fanfic prompt and keep wondering if writing it is going to isolate my regular reader base bc I realized I have zero idea what other lesbians tend to think about regarding this stuff -- I can definitely see why women wouldn't enjoy anal penetration of any kind, but I think rimming is generally pretty safe in terms of peoples likes (like i'm into it myself for example). But ofc it can vary from person to person, so some wouldn't like any ass stuff period, and that's normal.

Anyways, this is an interesting thread to be sure!

I wasn't into it at all but I read a fic I won't mention once that handled it really well, and it was like watching one of those docs about an incredibly niche smalltown competition made with such love for the game that you look at the whole thing differently afterwards.

DA

Lmao thank you for the input, that gives me encouragement -- I think I will go ahead and write it after all, and shall report back here about how it went if this thread is still up by then (I suspect it's gonna take me a few months since I have a different fic update to write still ). Definitely treating some of these sorts of topics with love and attention to detail in written fiction can really change perspectives, I agree!

Thanks for the interesting thread, Nova!

[Guest]

Any kind of butt stuff is a definite no for me. I had one gf who really tried to convince me to give it a try up to the point where i felt put under pressure and another gf who also was Fond of my boundaries in that regard.

I appreciate your perspective on this as I'm exploring a rimming fanfic prompt and keep wondering if writing it is going to isolate my regular reader base bc I realized I have zero idea what other lesbians tend to think about regarding this stuff -- I can definitely see why women wouldn't enjoy anal penetration of any kind, but I think rimming is generally pretty safe in terms of peoples likes (like i'm into it myself for example). But ofc it can vary from person to person, so some wouldn't like any ass stuff period, and that's normal.

Anyways, this is an interesting thread to be sure!

I wasn't into it at all but I read a fic I won't mention once that handled it really well, and it was like watching one of those docs about an incredibly niche smalltown competition made with such love for the game that you look at the whole thing differently afterwards.

DA

Lmao thank you for the input, that gives me encouragement -- I think I will go ahead and write it after all, and shall report back here about how it went if this thread is still up by then (I suspect it's gonna take me a few months since I have a different fic update to write still ). Definitely treating some of these sorts of topics with love and attention to detail in written fiction can really change perspectives, I agree!

Thanks for the interesting thread, Nova!

SPOILERSPOILER

The thing that struck me was a whole theme of "You don't have to be shy about any part of yourself with me, I meant everything I said, all I want in the world is for you is to let me in a little more" and suddenly I was like about this really meaningful ass eating moment.

The power of literature

[Guest]

Are you doing that stuff with dental dam?....

[Guest]

Are you doing that stuff with dental dam?....

Are you talking rimming? As long as the area is clean, it's safe for your mouth to be there. The only thing to worry about is transferring the bacteria from the anus to the vagina — it's why they recommend not fingering someones anus and then fingering their vagina immediately afterwards with the same hand, unless it's been cleaned.

Dental dams scare me tbh lol

[Guest]

Are you doing that stuff with dental dam?....

Are you talking rimming? As long as the area is clean, it's safe for your mouth to be there. The only thing to worry about is transferring the bacteria from the anus to the vagina — it's why they recommend not fingering someones anus and then fingering their vagina immediately afterwards with the same hand, unless it's been cleaned.

Dental dams scare me tbh lol

Yeah even with great anal hygiene the bacteria+ is there. What about transferring it to your/her tongue...?

[Guest]

This thread is full of male arselickers...

[Guest]

This thread is full of male arselickers...

Here anon, I have something your speed.

[Guest]

Reading some of your comments, I had no idea some of these things even existed. Like this whole vagina widening thing, I am 37 and never knew that existed. And I didn't spend last fifteen years of my life in a monastery, I swear
It does make me sad seeing/reading how some women will use the same pattern that men do to manipulate their gfs to do stuff they wouldn't normally feel comfortable doing. And that's why I think it's important to talk about it.

I can't say I was ever pressured to do anything but I tend to have long term relationships where I'm able to gradually develop confidence and entirely give myself away. So first it will all start a bit on vanilla side and over time we'll talk about spicying things up. I always believed my partners, I knew they wouldn't hurt me and everything was discussed previously.

One thing that wasn't a trauma but just something I wasn't really into was with an ex who liked very raw sex. She liked to use a lot of toys and always encouraged me to be very rough. I never enjoyed this so I was happy when we broke up. I understand we are all different but I find no pleasure in degrading, causing pain or holding complete power over someone during sex. Light bondage and games are fun but anything more extreme is not my cup of tea. Also not being able to have sex without introducing toys felt like all the intimacy between us was lost. Most of the times it looked like a hatefuck and after it I didn't feel satisfied but wasted and spent.

I unfortunately got exposed to "vagina widening" when I entered into my first lesbian chatroom a couple of months after turning 19. It is sad and abusive on top of that. I agree, talking is good for the honest people who want an honest relationship. It's upsetting when the narcissistic manipulators who wear a carefully crafted, dutifully planned disguise cross paths with good people and draw them into their web.

I see nothing wrong with the vanilla approach and gradually spicing it up a bit. That builds good foundation and trust. It looks like most of your partners have been caring and understanding so I'm glad you were able to have that with them. Ahh I see. Unfortunately I've crossed paths with the "raw rough sex toy loving" women (stories for another time) as well. Good grief. I'm happy you were able to get away from her anon. There are things I don't mind, even a few new things but extreme stuff no thank you.

My curiosity got the best of me so I tried to google it but all I got was a lot of porn videos and links to lack of sensation problem after giving birth and not much else that could serve this particular educational purpose. So for us newbies who, until yesterday, had no idea that vagina widening was a thing, I was wondering if you could shine some more light on that. For example, what's purpose of that, some women get off on that or it makes it easier afterwards to do other things or? Psychologically does it come down to marking a territory like men do with their virgin-obsession or dominating or degrading a partner? What are the consequences your friend suffered, like is the whole thing reversible after a while or not? Was she struggling mentally because she felt humiliated afterwards or was it due to suffering physical consequences? As I take it, it's a process and not a one-time thing? For the life of me, I can't wrap my head around why would anyone want to hate female body so much

[DazzlingNova]

Any kind of butt stuff is a definite no for me. I had one gf who really tried to convince me to give it a try up to the point where i felt put under pressure and another gf who also was Fond of my boundaries in that regard.

I appreciate your perspective on this as I'm exploring a rimming fanfic prompt and keep wondering if writing it is going to isolate my regular reader base bc I realized I have zero idea what other lesbians tend to think about regarding this stuff -- I can definitely see why women wouldn't enjoy anal penetration of any kind, but I think rimming is generally pretty safe in terms of peoples likes (like i'm into it myself for example). But ofc it can vary from person to person, so some wouldn't like any ass stuff period, and that's normal.

Anyways, this is an interesting thread to be sure!

I wasn't into it at all but I read a fic I won't mention once that handled it really well, and it was like watching one of those docs about an incredibly niche smalltown competition made with such love for the game that you look at the whole thing differently afterwards.

DA

Lmao thank you for the input, that gives me encouragement -- I think I will go ahead and write it after all, and shall report back here about how it went if this thread is still up by then (I suspect it's gonna take me a few months since I have a different fic update to write still ). Definitely treating some of these sorts of topics with love and attention to detail in written fiction can really change perspectives, I agree!

Thanks for the interesting thread, Nova!

Good luck on your stories anon. I hope all your readers like them. You're welcome

[Guest]

This thread is full of male arselickers...

Here anon, I have something your speed.

DA Lmao, thank you, I needed that chuckle

Also

Yeah even with great anal hygiene the bacteria+ is there. What about transferring it to your/her tongue...?

It's just a sacrifice you have to make I guess, sometimes you have to choose between death and sex, what can you do?

[Guest]

I find it really interesting to hear people talk about why they like something I'm not into. It's just interesting insight.

[Guest]

It's just a sacrifice you have to make I guess, sometimes you have to choose between death and sex, what can you do?

This anon's living fast.

No, really though, you do just get a lot less squeamish about body stuff with experience generally. Especially if you're with the same partner a while, their body starts to feel like home rather than a hotel room.

[Guest]

I'm a bit wary of women who have rigid, highly specific kinks they can’t live without, especially when they fixate on body parts or porn-inspired techniques.

[Guest]

I'm a bit wary of women who have rigid, highly specific kinks they can’t live without, especially when they fixate on body parts or porn-inspired techniques.

I get why L Chat/the internet discusses this stuff in extremes, but tbh I think that's rare. Lots of people are into stuff their partners aren't and either compromise or put it aside. Like, if your partner's really not into something it's not really fun anyway. It would be like being crazy into Disney and taking your Disney hating GF to Disneyworld even though she'd be miserable the whole time, neither of you will enjoy it as much as just going to a nice restaurant.

[Guest]

I'm a bit wary of women who have rigid, highly specific kinks they can’t live without, especially when they fixate on body parts or porn-inspired techniques.

I get why L Chat/the internet discusses this stuff in extremes, but tbh I think that's rare. Lots of people are into stuff their partners aren't and either compromise or put it aside. Like, if your partner's really not into something it's not really fun anyway. It would be like being crazy into Disney and taking your Disney hating GF to Disneyworld even though she'd be miserable the whole time, neither of you will enjoy it as much as just going to a nice restaurant.

DA
I think this is a way to trivialize it, anon. I believe it's about sexual compatibility, which is also one of the aspects of relationships. Same as being emotionally compatible, for instance. Therefore, while we might've gone to extremes here, regular things in sex can be a problem for one partner, while another one thinks it's a part of sex they can't leave aside or compromise, as you suggest. Some lesbians don't like penetration and never practice it. If they end up with someone who sees it as a way to "become one", so to speak, it could be a problem. I, for example, don't like oral sex. I am a goldstar lesbian who doesn't like giving oral sex. If my partners found it to be an indispensable part of our sexual relationship that they couldn't be without, I'd say compromise wouldn't get us far. I could try to do it for my partner, because I love her and I want her to feel happy and satisfied, but then we're back to square one and beginning of this topic where I'm just doing something I don't like to please my partner and wouldn't necessarily do on my own.

[Guest]

I'm a bit wary of women who have rigid, highly specific kinks they can’t live without, especially when they fixate on body parts or porn-inspired techniques.

I get why L Chat/the internet discusses this stuff in extremes, but tbh I think that's rare. Lots of people are into stuff their partners aren't and either compromise or put it aside. Like, if your partner's really not into something it's not really fun anyway. It would be like being crazy into Disney and taking your Disney hating GF to Disneyworld even though she'd be miserable the whole time, neither of you will enjoy it as much as just going to a nice restaurant.

DA
I think this is a way to trivialize it, anon. I believe it's about sexual compatibility, which is also one of the aspects of relationships. Same as being emotionally compatible, for instance. Therefore, while we might've gone to extremes here, regular things in sex can be a problem for one partner, while another one thinks it's a part of sex they can't leave aside or compromise, as you suggest. Some lesbians don't like penetration and never practice it. If they end up with someone who sees it as a way to "become one", so to speak, it could be a problem. I, for example, don't like oral sex. I am a goldstar lesbian who doesn't like giving oral sex. If my partners found it to be an indispensable part of our sexual relationship that they couldn't be without, I'd say compromise wouldn't get us far. I could try to do it for my partner, because I love her and I want her to feel happy and satisfied, but then we're back to square one and beginning of this topic where I'm just doing something I don't like to please my partner and wouldn't necessarily do on my own.

There are plenty of deal breakers, no question, but L Chat is very black and white about stuff in ways that don't really work IRL.

Being into oral or not is a biggie to get right, you definitely need to both know where you stand.

Being into, idk, having your GF keeping a pair of sneakers on in bed or calling you Marybeth Jenkins or something, not so much. You can compromise on that stuff, either by putting it aside or by humoring each other now and then. People's weird little things like that aren't always extreme enough to be a relationship ender.

[Guest]

Is it weird not to be into dildos at all? I don't see anything wrong with them, but it does nothing for me and I don't like using it on anyone else either. I'm sure some people will see that as prudish, but is it a dealbreaker for most lesbians out there?

[Guest]

Is it weird not to be into dildos at all? I don't see anything wrong with them, but it does nothing for me and I don't like using it on anyone else either. I'm sure some people will see that as prudish, but is it a dealbreaker for most lesbians out there?

No not weird at all or a dealbreaker. None of the women i dated are into them and i dont care about them either. Pretending most lesbians are into dildos or strap, is an internet thing and is obviously pushed by you-know-whos (none lesbians of every colour)