The "What are you thinking about today?" thread

[Guest]

Better later than... no, never would have been better. After 5 years, CoVid finally caught me in its webbing. Sigh. Where did I let my guard down? How did I let this contagion in? If it was just me, I wouldn't be all that concerned. I'm in good health, low risk all around. But my elderly mother lives with me. She goes everywhere and I'm the one who gets it. I didn't even travel during the holidays, but I'm the first to get it. I feel guilty. Like I've let her down. But could this be the lesson/thing I need to work on this year? To let go of any guilt. If it is so, the Universe finally found the thing to base its lesson on. Cruel, really. But it definitely knew what would hit the hardest. Fingers crossed that I haven't passed it on to others. Sigh. Why didn't I test myself sooner? Is it still customary to quarantine? I think I can handle isolation. Just... just let no one else get sick. Not even you.

I'm with you anon, going through it for the first time myself after being so careful and taking every precaution for years. I still mask up in stores/enclosed public spaces, I've had every vaccine, etc. I've had the same "how did this happen" thoughts (when I'm not feeling like absolute dogshit) but hey, don't blame yourself. It's an insidious virus. My state's wastewater levels are really high, it's always mutating, and scientists are playing catch up trying to battle new strains. Let's just focus on getting better

[Guest]

Any "open relationship" is not a relationship

[Guest]

Berthas I need your help. So this woman at work (who I always greet) I approach her from behind as she is talking with two other guys and I extend my right hand along her right side (remember I approached her from the back) to shake her hand and she slowly finds my hand with her left hand and puts her fingers along the back of my hand and lets it linger for a few seconds with a soft grip

Similar to this handshake the way the lady holds his hand is how she held mine


Exactly like this one except you know it was meant to be a handshake and my hand/arm was extended forward

The fact that you included pictures to exemplify is sending me

The fact that she reached you with her left hand is the weirdest thing for me. It would be more practical just to reach you with the right hand. But maybe the guys she was talking to were also on the right side? So she reached you with the left hand and let it linger as a way of saying "Come to my left side" (like when you reach out for a child that is running towards the road)?

I posted pictures to show how she held my hand instead of like in a normal handshake where the hands are like this

The dude was in front of her and the other guy to her left. It wasn’t like come to my whatever side it was just how she decided to hold my hand with a soft grip and letting it linger and she positioned her hand slowly too.

For context I kept my hand straight like in a normal handshake not with my palm facing up. So our palms were side by side not her palm facing down and mine up like in the pictures but the hand hold was like in the pics. For context the positioning of her hand is like the woman in the first pic and the hand on top of the other like in the second (except like I said our palms were side by side like in a normal handshake instead of down and up like in the pics)

so she held your hand instead of shaking it? girl she was probably pre-occupied talking to the others and got her handshake wrong. what is making you over-analyze this - did she blush, giggle, keep holding your hand for way too long, wink at you or what

[Guest]

My relationship is as dead as one can be.
Everything I try seems like putting make up on a corpse at this point.
I am well aware that everything I do annoys my partner so much, and that makes me frustrated and then she annoys me as well.
I have no idea how we got to this point. We were so madly in love. Trying to rekindle and establish any sort of that connection now seems like a ridiculous try, it's just so futile.
I dont know why I'm even trying anymore. It's like I start seeing hope when we're not spending time together, but once we get to spend it together, I/we just cant make it work.
I dont know what she wants from me, trying hard as I may, I just dont understand.
Having any sort of physical contact is impossible for me as long as I'm feeling mentally so distant, abandonded and frustrated and it's a vicious cycle where things just die and wilt.
It's me, her, and then there's this giant abyss gaping open between us and there's no way around it.

[Guest]

^(can't quote the post due to some uknown error so leaving my comment here) communication is the key and it's obvious it's absent in your rs cos you're clueless what's happening in your partner's head, talk to her, sit down and have a conversation about each others feelings/thoughts/visions of rs and etc., don't stay in your own corners with different assumptions, it won't lead anywhere just to more frustration and helplessness

[Guest]

Communication presupposes that both parts prioritize the notion of "relationship" in their lives and both parts have the mental and emotional maturity to be honest to
themselves and the other. Sometimes what stands between us is the lies we tell ourselves. And sometimes feelings fade for no reason. The light that fueled our fire then, has burnt a hole between us so...

[Guest]

Communication presupposes that both parts prioritize the notion of "relationship" in their lives and both parts have the mental and emotional maturity to be honest to
themselves and the other. Sometimes what stands between us is the lies we tell ourselves. And sometimes feelings fade for no reason. The light that fueled our fire then, has burnt a hole between us so...

feelings don't fade for no reason, there's a reason for every feeling/emotion/thought we have, most of the time it's not one particular reason but the whole series of events, and sometimes it does take some time to realise what we feel/want from rs, not necessarily lying to themselves but simply not knowing/understanding, communication still needs to be done, at least they need to make a decision about future of their rs - to break up for good or maybe just take a break for some selflearning/healing, or using a couple therapy, lots of options

[Guest]

Started this new job and I really don’t like it. Can’t tell if it’s because I’m not meant for this type of role OR I am completely burnt out from the last year. Either way… it’s no bueno.

[Guest]

Don't really get people's problem with intimacy coordinators. We hired one for our wedding night and she was a huge help.

[Guest]

Don't really get people's problem with intimacy coordinators. We hired one for our wedding night and she was a huge help.

I had never heard about the existance of such professionals outside of the movie industry. I didn't even know regular people could hire one.

[Guest]

Berthas I need your help. So this woman at work (who I always greet) I approach her from behind as she is talking with two other guys and I extend my right hand along her right side (remember I approached her from the back) to shake her hand and she slowly finds my hand with her left hand and puts her fingers along the back of my hand and lets it linger for a few seconds with a soft grip

Similar to this handshake the way the lady holds his hand is how she held mine


Exactly like this one except you know it was meant to be a handshake and my hand/arm was extended forward

The fact that you included pictures to exemplify is sending me

The fact that she reached you with her left hand is the weirdest thing for me. It would be more practical just to reach you with the right hand. But maybe the guys she was talking to were also on the right side? So she reached you with the left hand and let it linger as a way of saying "Come to my left side" (like when you reach out for a child that is running towards the road)?

I posted pictures to show how she held my hand instead of like in a normal handshake where the hands are like this

The dude was in front of her and the other guy to her left. It wasn’t like come to my whatever side it was just how she decided to hold my hand with a soft grip and letting it linger and she positioned her hand slowly too.

For context I kept my hand straight like in a normal handshake not with my palm facing up. So our palms were side by side not her palm facing down and mine up like in the pictures but the hand hold was like in the pics. For context the positioning of her hand is like the woman in the first pic and the hand on top of the other like in the second (except like I said our palms were side by side like in a normal handshake instead of down and up like in the pics)

so she held your hand instead of shaking it? girl she was probably pre-occupied talking to the others and got her handshake wrong. what is making you over-analyze this - did she blush, giggle, keep holding your hand for way too long, wink at you or what

She grabbed my hand slowly and let the touch linger for a bit.

[Guest]

Don't really get people's problem with intimacy coordinators. We hired one for our wedding night and she was a huge help.

I had never heard about the existance of such professionals outside of the movie industry. I didn't even know regular people could hire one.

Da it's a joke nonny

[Guest]

^ but you are right maybe she was preoccupied talking to other people

[Guest]

I’m thinking “what a surprise, it’s you not giving a damn again.” I’m so easy to just dismiss when it suits you. Drop me when your attention is elsewhere. I wish I had been stronger to cut these strings sooner. You’re a prick.

[Guest]

I stumbled across the movie Loving Annabelle.
I remember watching it when it came out back in the day but I didn't expect it to make me so sad today.
Everything about it screams 2006 and it's like a walk down the memory lane, it hits differently.
I was so young and had such high expectations for life and love.
I had such a crush on Annabelle and all throughout my 20s I was secretly wishing and hoping I'd meet a girl like that.
A rebel without a cause, intelligent, caring, mature for her age, loyal, defiant but also vulnerable.
Give the benefit of hindsight now, I can say I never met a girl like that, she never came along.
A love like that never came either.
I guess what broke me today was the realization how naive I was, how young and gullible, that loss of innocence, the passage of time, growing up and the loss of fervor.

And I also found out the actress who portrayed the teacher in the movie passed away a few years ago.
Just the ravage of time.

[Guest]

Happiness always dissappoints. It's like cotton candy that melts away. Sorrow, pain, suffering, death are all at least consistent and reliable. They are sobering, puts you back into reality, unlike happiness that flood your mind like a drug temporarily.

[Guest]

How my life was derailed during 2020.

I was super goal-oriented, career focused but then the pandemic happened. I got in a relationship that ended terribly in 2023. It’s been two years as of January and I haven’t recaptured the business mind I had… I’m not hung up on relationships and dating.. I just think I wasted so much of my own time trying to be a good girlfriend (and fiancée) that I lost focus. Haven’t got it back. It’s rough. I feel behind at 24. Haven’t completed my degree because I poured so much into that woman I loved… I’m just lost. Breakup anniversary passed and I can’t. I can’t. Idk. Sorry for the pity but yeah.. ugh.

[Guest]

People are too casual about the fact that parrots can talk.

[Guest]

I'm starting to hate work since getting back into my hobbies. Feels like a dog with a money leash on my neck that only gets to walk outside in the backyard during the weekends.

[Guest]

I'm starting to hate work since getting back into my hobbies. Feels like a dog with a money leash on my neck that only gets to walk outside in the backyard during the weekends.

I really feel this. I've gotten involved in a few extracurricular things over the past year, and as much as I was meh about work before now it's making me really angry that I have to waste so much of my life there instead of like... living. I have all this time and energy and capability, and I'm pissing it into doing stuff I hate because I have to. I hate it.

[Guest]

I'm starting to hate work since getting back into my hobbies. Feels like a dog with a money leash on my neck that only gets to walk outside in the backyard during the weekends.

I really feel this. I've gotten involved in a few extracurricular things over the past year, and as much as I was meh about work before now it's making me really angry that I have to waste so much of my life there instead of like... living. I have all this time and energy and capability, and I'm pissing it into doing stuff I hate because I have to. I hate it.

Do y'all feel exhausted when coming home from work? I do a 9-5 but by the time I come home eat dinner and shower I'm so tired I could go to bed. Idk if this is a possible health issue or everyone feels like this.

[Dragonfish]

I think I’ve been a mug all this time. Thank you for making me realise it

[Guest]

I'm starting to hate work since getting back into my hobbies. Feels like a dog with a money leash on my neck that only gets to walk outside in the backyard during the weekends.

I really feel this. I've gotten involved in a few extracurricular things over the past year, and as much as I was meh about work before now it's making me really angry that I have to waste so much of my life there instead of like... living. I have all this time and energy and capability, and I'm pissing it into doing stuff I hate because I have to. I hate it.

Do y'all feel exhausted when coming home from work? I do a 9-5 but by the time I come home eat dinner and shower I'm so tired I could go to bed. Idk if this is a possible health issue or everyone feels like this.

I'm like you. I wake up early, go to work, come back home and the rest of the time is dedicated to survival tasks (cook and eat, hygiene, etc). I don’t think it is a health issue. I actually think of people like us as more "natural", since in our primal existence we shouldn't be wasting energy with things beyond survival. So, there can be people who claim to have 1765937 extra activities and always have energy and time, but they are not the norm.

[Guest]

I'm starting to hate work since getting back into my hobbies. Feels like a dog with a money leash on my neck that only gets to walk outside in the backyard during the weekends.

I really feel this. I've gotten involved in a few extracurricular things over the past year, and as much as I was meh about work before now it's making me really angry that I have to waste so much of my life there instead of like... living. I have all this time and energy and capability, and I'm pissing it into doing stuff I hate because I have to. I hate it.

Do y'all feel exhausted when coming home from work? I do a 9-5 but by the time I come home eat dinner and shower I'm so tired I could go to bed. Idk if this is a possible health issue or everyone feels like this.

Yeah, I used to do at least one tiny 'fun' thing but by the time I get into the flow it's almost time to sleep and I can't do anything else, which sucks. But if I go ahead anyway and can't finish the task, it haunts me at work and pisses me off.

So I began to hate sleep my nights away and now hate myself even more for not using those precious 'free' time.

[Guest]

I've had enough with all the fog,... Feels like I live in Twin Peaks.

[Guest]

I feel like I have a toddler I have to help except it’s a 20 year old friend.
I’m tired

[Guest]

Today I'm thinking about how lucky I was to meet my gf. I didn't expect to find someone like her, at first I didn't even fully understand how precious she is, almost ended everything, but now I'm just very happy and don't see this relationship falling apart, ever. There's just nothing out there that could top what we have. I know two couples who have been happily together for 20+ years and I see a lot of similarities between their relationships and ours.

[Guest]

I feel like I have a toddler I have to help except it’s a 20 year old friend.
I’m tired

But does it happen often? If they are going through something this one time then I’m all in for helping but if it’s a recurring thing then maybe that friendship ran its course

[DazzlingNova]

I stumbled across the movie Loving Annabelle.
I remember watching it when it came out back in the day but I didn't expect it to make me so sad today.
Everything about it screams 2006 and it's like a walk down the memory lane, it hits differently.
I was so young and had such high expectations for life and love.
I had such a crush on Annabelle and all throughout my 20s I was secretly wishing and hoping I'd meet a girl like that.
A rebel without a cause, intelligent, caring, mature for her age, loyal, defiant but also vulnerable.
Give the benefit of hindsight now, I can say I never met a girl like that, she never came along.
A love like that never came either.
I guess what broke me today was the realization how naive I was, how young and gullible, that loss of innocence, the passage of time, growing up and the loss of fervor.

And I also found out the actress who portrayed the teacher in the movie passed away a few years ago.
Just the ravage of time.

Nostalgia is a very comforting feeling. I'll tell you something that a very intelligent and wise elderly lady told me, Never let the harshness of life take away the innocent you felt when you were a child or younger. That's the reason why my inner child has never died

[Guest]

Today I'm thinking about how lucky I was to meet my gf. I didn't expect to find someone like her, at first I didn't even fully understand how precious she is, almost ended everything, but now I'm just very happy and don't see this relationship falling apart, ever. There's just nothing out there that could top what we have. I know two couples who have been happily together for 20+ years and I see a lot of similarities between their relationships and ours.

Happy for you I wish I could have someone in my life too

[Guest]

I’m thinking how dead romance is. I’m on a dating site and a woman has messaged me, we are just chatting, but she keeps making (for me) really full on, suggestive comments that are just annoying me. I like to get to know someone before I start any sexual innuendos or whatever. We’re both in our mid 30s, we’ve only been chatting like 2 weeks and I’ve made it explicitly clear that I’m not at the point where I want to flirt or whatever. But I feel she is being so manipulative making me feel like I’m the problem.

Example; she’s been invited to a wedding and she says she’s really flat chested so I said “pop a couple of chicken fillets down if that would make you feel more comfortable” and she said “wish you were here to do it for me.” But I’ve made it clear that I’m not not at that point where I want to be flirting in that way. So I didn’t respond to that comment and responded to something else and she said words along the line of “I notice you didn’t comment about the fillets,” and then “I didn’t think I wasn’t being that fresh, I’ll note it down- don’t make jokes” but I feel I’ve made it entirely clear I’m just happy chatting, I’m not at the point for any “cyber sex” or what ever. Is this normal behaviour?

[Guest]

I’m depressed and it’s dark and Jan and I really can’t bear it alone. I need my friends

[Guest]

I’m depressed and it’s dark and Jan and I really can’t bear it alone. I need my friends

x2 I wish it would be summer right now. Jealous of the places where everything is green all year round. Where I live the trees are only green for 5 months.

[Guest]

I’m thinking how dead romance is. I’m on a dating site and a woman has messaged me, we are just chatting, but she keeps making (for me) really full on, suggestive comments that are just annoying me. I like to get to know someone before I start any sexual innuendos or whatever. We’re both in our mid 30s, we’ve only been chatting like 2 weeks and I’ve made it explicitly clear that I’m not at the point where I want to flirt or whatever. But I feel she is being so manipulative making me feel like I’m the problem.

Example; she’s been invited to a wedding and she says she’s really flat chested so I said “pop a couple of chicken fillets down if that would make you feel more comfortable” and she said “wish you were here to do it for me.” But I’ve made it clear that I’m not not at that point where I want to be flirting in that way. So I didn’t respond to that comment and responded to something else and she said words along the line of “I notice you didn’t comment about the fillets,” and then “I didn’t think I wasn’t being that fresh, I’ll note it down- don’t make jokes” but I feel I’ve made it entirely clear I’m just happy chatting, I’m not at the point for any “cyber sex” or what ever. Is this normal behaviour?

Yes, it is normal behaviour to flirt with people on a dating site.

[Guest]

I’m thinking how dead romance is. I’m on a dating site and a woman has messaged me, we are just chatting, but she keeps making (for me) really full on, suggestive comments that are just annoying me. I like to get to know someone before I start any sexual innuendos or whatever. We’re both in our mid 30s, we’ve only been chatting like 2 weeks and I’ve made it explicitly clear that I’m not at the point where I want to flirt or whatever. But I feel she is being so manipulative making me feel like I’m the problem.

Example; she’s been invited to a wedding and she says she’s really flat chested so I said “pop a couple of chicken fillets down if that would make you feel more comfortable” and she said “wish you were here to do it for me.” But I’ve made it clear that I’m not not at that point where I want to be flirting in that way. So I didn’t respond to that comment and responded to something else and she said words along the line of “I notice you didn’t comment about the fillets,” and then “I didn’t think I wasn’t being that fresh, I’ll note it down- don’t make jokes” but I feel I’ve made it entirely clear I’m just happy chatting, I’m not at the point for any “cyber sex” or what ever. Is this normal behaviour?

Yes, it is normal behaviour to flirt with people on a dating site.

Even when I’ve made it clear I’m not at that point after only chatting on and off for two weeks? I’ve literally said, cool it down with those sorts of comments because I find it off putting and she’s still making those comments. I just feel she needs to read the room and isn’t paying attention to what I’ve said/ the tone of my messages

[Guest]

I’m thinking how dead romance is. I’m on a dating site and a woman has messaged me, we are just chatting, but she keeps making (for me) really full on, suggestive comments that are just annoying me. I like to get to know someone before I start any sexual innuendos or whatever. We’re both in our mid 30s, we’ve only been chatting like 2 weeks and I’ve made it explicitly clear that I’m not at the point where I want to flirt or whatever. But I feel she is being so manipulative making me feel like I’m the problem.

Example; she’s been invited to a wedding and she says she’s really flat chested so I said “pop a couple of chicken fillets down if that would make you feel more comfortable” and she said “wish you were here to do it for me.” But I’ve made it clear that I’m not not at that point where I want to be flirting in that way. So I didn’t respond to that comment and responded to something else and she said words along the line of “I notice you didn’t comment about the fillets,” and then “I didn’t think I wasn’t being that fresh, I’ll note it down- don’t make jokes” but I feel I’ve made it entirely clear I’m just happy chatting, I’m not at the point for any “cyber sex” or what ever. Is this normal behaviour?

Yes, it is normal behaviour to flirt with people on a dating site.

Even when I’ve made it clear I’m not at that point after only chatting on and off for two weeks? I’ve literally said, cool it down with those sorts of comments because I find it off putting and she’s still making those comments. I just feel she needs to read the room and isn’t paying attention to what I’ve said/ the tone of my messages

If you're not arranging to meet within the first couple days of chatting on a dating app, then you're doing it wrong. It's a dating app not a penpal app. Why are you chatting for two weeks without meeting? Are you not excited to spend time together and see if you become an item?

[Guest]

I’m thinking how dead romance is. I’m on a dating site and a woman has messaged me, we are just chatting, but she keeps making (for me) really full on, suggestive comments that are just annoying me. I like to get to know someone before I start any sexual innuendos or whatever. We’re both in our mid 30s, we’ve only been chatting like 2 weeks and I’ve made it explicitly clear that I’m not at the point where I want to flirt or whatever. But I feel she is being so manipulative making me feel like I’m the problem.

Example; she’s been invited to a wedding and she says she’s really flat chested so I said “pop a couple of chicken fillets down if that would make you feel more comfortable” and she said “wish you were here to do it for me.” But I’ve made it clear that I’m not not at that point where I want to be flirting in that way. So I didn’t respond to that comment and responded to something else and she said words along the line of “I notice you didn’t comment about the fillets,” and then “I didn’t think I wasn’t being that fresh, I’ll note it down- don’t make jokes” but I feel I’ve made it entirely clear I’m just happy chatting, I’m not at the point for any “cyber sex” or what ever. Is this normal behaviour?

Yes, it is normal behaviour to flirt with people on a dating site.

Even when I’ve made it clear I’m not at that point after only chatting on and off for two weeks? I’ve literally said, cool it down with those sorts of comments because I find it off putting and she’s still making those comments. I just feel she needs to read the room and isn’t paying attention to what I’ve said/ the tone of my messages

If you're not arranging to meet within the first couple days of chatting on a dating app, then you're doing it wrong. It's a dating app not a penpal app. Why are you chatting for two weeks without meeting? Are you not excited to spend time together and see if you become an item?

She’s in the US and I’m in the UK. I mean, christ, chill out- are you her?! Even if we were in the same country, absolutely not would I be meeting someone within a few days. I want to get to get to know a but of someone first before spending time, money and effort to meet up personally.

[Guest]

Yes, it is normal behaviour to flirt with people on a dating site.

Even when I’ve made it clear I’m not at that point after only chatting on and off for two weeks? I’ve literally said, cool it down with those sorts of comments because I find it off putting and she’s still making those comments. I just feel she needs to read the room and isn’t paying attention to what I’ve said/ the tone of my messages

If you're not arranging to meet within the first couple days of chatting on a dating app, then you're doing it wrong. It's a dating app not a penpal app. Why are you chatting for two weeks without meeting? Are you not excited to spend time together and see if you become an item?

She’s in the US and I’m in the UK. I mean, christ, chill out- are you her?! Even if we were in the same country, absolutely not would I be meeting someone within a few days. I want to get to get to know a but of someone first before spending time, money and effort to meet up personally.

DA I'm with you anon, I completely understand where you're coming from. Taking into account your age, I dare say we belong to an older generation where things werent so instant. Nowadays it would probably be weird not to meet right away.
What I'll say is that I understand if you need to meet someone a bit better before going to that level where you're comfortable to flirt or meet or suggest more. And it's okay. You dont owe anyone explanations nor you should change. I'd feel the same way if I were you, those suggestive remarks can come across as rather aggressive and intrusive.
Try to imagine how you would feel if you guys actually met in real life and she started to make these jokes. If that would make you feel uncomfortable, then talking to her now is a good filter to see if there's even a point in taking it further. But most of all, if someone tells you they dont like the way you make them feel with your jokes/comments/suggestions, you should listen. I dont think she's listening carefully what you have to say. Just my two cents.

[Guest]

I stumbled across the movie Loving Annabelle.
I remember watching it when it came out back in the day but I didn't expect it to make me so sad today.
Everything about it screams 2006 and it's like a walk down the memory lane, it hits differently.
I was so young and had such high expectations for life and love.
I had such a crush on Annabelle and all throughout my 20s I was secretly wishing and hoping I'd meet a girl like that.
A rebel without a cause, intelligent, caring, mature for her age, loyal, defiant but also vulnerable.
Give the benefit of hindsight now, I can say I never met a girl like that, she never came along.
A love like that never came either.
I guess what broke me today was the realization how naive I was, how young and gullible, that loss of innocence, the passage of time, growing up and the loss of fervor.

And I also found out the actress who portrayed the teacher in the movie passed away a few years ago.
Just the ravage of time.

Nostalgia is a very comforting feeling. I'll tell you something that a very intelligent and wise elderly lady told me, Never let the harshness of life take away the innocent you felt when you were a child or younger. That's the reason why my inner child has never died

OP It's a very nice thought your elderly lady shared with you, but I'm afraid no one has yet come up with an armor or a shield to protect that inner child. It's like it happens and you dont even notice it, one moment it's there and the next thing you know years have gone by and your inner child has faded, you cant even remember the last time you truly believed in something.

I am not usually nostalgic about past per se but because I'm sad for future. I wish I could feel so much again, fall in love so easily again, love so foolishly again, even get my heart broken again because that also seems to get more difficult to achieve as you get older.
I did love again, there is love after twenties most definitely, but my inner child could love the way I cannot and I feel empty because I miss that.
But thanks for sharing your thoughts and take care of your inner child, it's the most precious part of yourself to preserve

[DazzlingNova]

I’m thinking how dead romance is. I’m on a dating site and a woman has messaged me, we are just chatting, but she keeps making (for me) really full on, suggestive comments that are just annoying me. I like to get to know someone before I start any sexual innuendos or whatever. We’re both in our mid 30s, we’ve only been chatting like 2 weeks and I’ve made it explicitly clear that I’m not at the point where I want to flirt or whatever. But I feel she is being so manipulative making me feel like I’m the problem.

Example; she’s been invited to a wedding and she says she’s really flat chested so I said “pop a couple of chicken fillets down if that would make you feel more comfortable” and she said “wish you were here to do it for me.” But I’ve made it clear that I’m not not at that point where I want to be flirting in that way. So I didn’t respond to that comment and responded to something else and she said words along the line of “I notice you didn’t comment about the fillets,” and then “I didn’t think I wasn’t being that fresh, I’ll note it down- don’t make jokes” but I feel I’ve made it entirely clear I’m just happy chatting, I’m not at the point for any “cyber sex” or what ever. Is this normal behaviour?

Maybe she is love bombing you except with flirts (I don't know what the "flirt equivalent" is to that). I don't like when women start doing that to me either when I haven't gotten to that point. Since you've made it more than clear you're not ready to go there yet I don't understand why she's being so pushy and forward. Not only would that make me feel uncomfortable it would eventually lead to upsetting me. She isn't taking your boundaries on flirting into consideration so I don't know how this is going to go for you anon. When things start to irk me, I tend to get sarcastic and I would've answered her questions but not how she'd be thinking.

It is normal for people to flirt and stuff but only when both parties are on the same page. You can keep chatting with her if you like but just keep in the back of your mind if she's not respecting your boundaries when it comes to flirting, what other boundaries will she ignore. I wish you good luck with this.

[DazzlingNova]

I stumbled across the movie Loving Annabelle.
I remember watching it when it came out back in the day but I didn't expect it to make me so sad today.
Everything about it screams 2006 and it's like a walk down the memory lane, it hits differently.
I was so young and had such high expectations for life and love.
I had such a crush on Annabelle and all throughout my 20s I was secretly wishing and hoping I'd meet a girl like that.
A rebel without a cause, intelligent, caring, mature for her age, loyal, defiant but also vulnerable.
Give the benefit of hindsight now, I can say I never met a girl like that, she never came along.
A love like that never came either.
I guess what broke me today was the realization how naive I was, how young and gullible, that loss of innocence, the passage of time, growing up and the loss of fervor.

And I also found out the actress who portrayed the teacher in the movie passed away a few years ago.
Just the ravage of time.

Nostalgia is a very comforting feeling. I'll tell you something that a very intelligent and wise elderly lady told me, Never let the harshness of life take away the innocent you felt when you were a child or younger. That's the reason why my inner child has never died

OP It's a very nice thought your elderly lady shared with you, but I'm afraid no one has yet come up with an armor or a shield to protect that inner child. It's like it happens and you dont even notice it, one moment it's there and the next thing you know years have gone by and your inner child has faded, you cant even remember the last time you truly believed in something.

I am not usually nostalgic about past per se but because I'm sad for future. I wish I could feel so much again, fall in love so easily again, love so foolishly again, even get my heart broken again because that also seems to get more difficult to achieve as you get older.
I did love again, there is love after twenties most definitely, but my inner child could love the way I cannot and I feel empty because I miss that.
But thanks for sharing your thoughts and take care of your inner child, it's the most precious part of yourself to preserve

Aww, some of your reply makes me sad anon. I wish I could be your friend (not out of any kind of pity or anything like that) because there’s no one really around you (I don’t think?) to help keep spark/bring your inner child out when you need it. I’ve had so many people over the years to try and take that away telling me things like “Grow up you’re an adult, act like it” etc. That’s why it feels like there’s no armor and it feels lost. Many of us get bogged down with the everyday grind and there’s not many or nobody we know personally who could paint a little color on our grayed out canvas. That’s what my inner voice is telling me when I read your first paragraph. If only there were more people you were friends with to make you feel like a kid again, you’d feel different and better.

You can feel all that stuff again, you just don’t have the right matches around to start that flame. I believe anything is possible and every problem is fixable once you figure it out. Your emptiness can be fixed, your inner child can be brought back, everything you feel you can’t experience anymore you can. It’s such a shame because I believe we could have some pretty interesting one on one chats anon, but I don’t feel it is possible sadly. You’re most welcome, and I will friend! Think of new sunrises and brighter days!

[Guest]

Even when I’ve made it clear I’m not at that point after only chatting on and off for two weeks? I’ve literally said, cool it down with those sorts of comments because I find it off putting and she’s still making those comments. I just feel she needs to read the room and isn’t paying attention to what I’ve said/ the tone of my messages

If you're not arranging to meet within the first couple days of chatting on a dating app, then you're doing it wrong. It's a dating app not a penpal app. Why are you chatting for two weeks without meeting? Are you not excited to spend time together and see if you become an item?

She’s in the US and I’m in the UK. I mean, christ, chill out- are you her?! Even if we were in the same country, absolutely not would I be meeting someone within a few days. I want to get to get to know a but of someone first before spending time, money and effort to meet up personally.

DA I'm with you anon, I completely understand where you're coming from. Taking into account your age, I dare say we belong to an older generation where things werent so instant. Nowadays it would probably be weird not to meet right away.
What I'll say is that I understand if you need to meet someone a bit better before going to that level where you're comfortable to flirt or meet or suggest more. And it's okay. You dont owe anyone explanations nor you should change. I'd feel the same way if I were you, those suggestive remarks can come across as rather aggressive and intrusive.
Try to imagine how you would feel if you guys actually met in real life and she started to make these jokes. If that would make you feel uncomfortable, then talking to her now is a good filter to see if there's even a point in taking it further. But most of all, if someone tells you they dont like the way you make them feel with your jokes/comments/suggestions, you should listen. I dont think she's listening carefully what you have to say. Just my two cents.

x2
Da. I totally agree with the anon above me. It seems like she's not listening to you at all OP and keeps making the same kind of uncomfortable comments even though you've politely asked her not to. That's a major boundary overstep! It feels like she doesn't really respect you or care about how you feel. Honestly, you two don't seem compatible. You deserve someone who respects your boundaries and treats you with kindness.

[Guest]

If you're not arranging to meet within the first couple days of chatting on a dating app, then you're doing it wrong. It's a dating app not a penpal app. Why are you chatting for two weeks without meeting? Are you not excited to spend time together and see if you become an item?

She’s in the US and I’m in the UK. I mean, christ, chill out- are you her?! Even if we were in the same country, absolutely not would I be meeting someone within a few days. I want to get to get to know a but of someone first before spending time, money and effort to meet up personally.

DA I'm with you anon, I completely understand where you're coming from. Taking into account your age, I dare say we belong to an older generation where things werent so instant. Nowadays it would probably be weird not to meet right away.
What I'll say is that I understand if you need to meet someone a bit better before going to that level where you're comfortable to flirt or meet or suggest more. And it's okay. You dont owe anyone explanations nor you should change. I'd feel the same way if I were you, those suggestive remarks can come across as rather aggressive and intrusive.
Try to imagine how you would feel if you guys actually met in real life and she started to make these jokes. If that would make you feel uncomfortable, then talking to her now is a good filter to see if there's even a point in taking it further. But most of all, if someone tells you they dont like the way you make them feel with your jokes/comments/suggestions, you should listen. I dont think she's listening carefully what you have to say. Just my two cents.

x2
Da. I totally agree with the anon above me. It seems like she's not listening to you at all OP and keeps making the same kind of uncomfortable comments even though you've politely asked her not to. That's a major boundary overstep! It feels like she doesn't really respect you or care about how you feel. Honestly, you two don't seem compatible. You deserve someone who respects your boundaries and treats you with kindness.

I agree with this. I mentioned that on a dating app you're realistically looking to flirt back and forth for a couple days and arrange to meet right away to see if the compatibility carries into real life. In this instance I agree that it doesn't seem OP and her dating app match are compatible. OP wants to take it slow and is a slow burner but her match is a horny flirt who goes 0-100 real quick. I can see a whole lotta dissatisfaction in their future if they pursued a relationship. Dating apps are great for being able to match with more people than you can in day-to-day life because you can cross great distances on one handy phone screen. It also allows you to quickly find out if you are compatible with someone's energy right away. In this instance I'm not sure OP and her match are compatible. OP, do you not have many people on your app so you feel the need to put extra time and effort into each match? Is that the reason you are pursuing someone you seem so different to?

[DazzlingNova]

I went completely out of my comfort zone and I've been off and on trying to find someone special on Instagram instead of the dating apps/sites. I'm not surprised that I'm not having very much success since I'm private about my personal life so my Instagram is more like a diary of poems so to speak and not pics/videos like everybody else. The women I have talked to have been a waste of my time, which sucks because I only sent messages to the women who pique my curiosity/had many things in common with. I just received a message from a woman I thought ghosted me months ago and it's like a reoccurring theme with them, "Sorry I'm only into masc, I don't date femmes." That's fine but I'd prefer if they'd just tell me that early on. I'm not sure why they feel a woman who sends them a friendly message with a bit of confidence mixed in is automatically masc I guess they are living in a different world from me.

It's not making me depressed just annoyed. Oh and the kicker is they block me afterwards lol. I feel that's overkill because I I'm pretty friendly and understanding in my messages, and I don't stick around when women reject me. I leave, lick my wounds, and immerse myself in writing/drawing/working. I don't profile/friend stalk, badger/hound them with constant messages, or do anything else to keep myself indirectly in their presence. I'm literally a non red flag person and that's very rare to come across on social media. It makes me somber because I'm extremely limited in my everyday life and I can't go traveling around and meet women offline how I'd like to try

[Guest]

She’s in the US and I’m in the UK. I mean, christ, chill out- are you her?! Even if we were in the same country, absolutely not would I be meeting someone within a few days. I want to get to get to know a but of someone first before spending time, money and effort to meet up personally.

DA I'm with you anon, I completely understand where you're coming from. Taking into account your age, I dare say we belong to an older generation where things werent so instant. Nowadays it would probably be weird not to meet right away.
What I'll say is that I understand if you need to meet someone a bit better before going to that level where you're comfortable to flirt or meet or suggest more. And it's okay. You dont owe anyone explanations nor you should change. I'd feel the same way if I were you, those suggestive remarks can come across as rather aggressive and intrusive.
Try to imagine how you would feel if you guys actually met in real life and she started to make these jokes. If that would make you feel uncomfortable, then talking to her now is a good filter to see if there's even a point in taking it further. But most of all, if someone tells you they dont like the way you make them feel with your jokes/comments/suggestions, you should listen. I dont think she's listening carefully what you have to say. Just my two cents.

x2
Da. I totally agree with the anon above me. It seems like she's not listening to you at all OP and keeps making the same kind of uncomfortable comments even though you've politely asked her not to. That's a major boundary overstep! It feels like she doesn't really respect you or care about how you feel. Honestly, you two don't seem compatible. You deserve someone who respects your boundaries and treats you with kindness.

I agree with this. I mentioned that on a dating app you're realistically looking to flirt back and forth for a couple days and arrange to meet right away to see if the compatibility carries into real life. In this instance I agree that it doesn't seem OP and her dating app match are compatible. OP wants to take it slow and is a slow burner but her match is a horny flirt who goes 0-100 real quick. I can see a whole lotta dissatisfaction in their future if they pursued a relationship. Dating apps are great for being able to match with more people than you can in day-to-day life because you can cross great distances on one handy phone screen. It also allows you to quickly find out if you are compatible with someone's energy right away. In this instance I'm not sure OP and her match are compatible. OP, do you not have many people on your app so you feel the need to put extra time and effort into each match? Is that the reason you are pursuing someone you seem so different to?

Da I think those are valid valid takes/questions and id love to see ops answers before giving my 2cents

[Guest]

I went completely out of my comfort zone and I've been off and on trying to find someone special on Instagram instead of the dating apps/sites. I'm not surprised that I'm not having very much success since I'm private about my personal life so my Instagram is more like a diary of poems so to speak and not pics/videos like everybody else. The women I have talked to have been a waste of my time, which sucks because I only sent messages to the women who pique my curiosity/had many things in common with. I just received a message from a woman I thought ghosted me months ago and it's like a reoccurring theme with them, "Sorry I'm only into masc, I don't date femmes." That's fine but I'd prefer if they'd just tell me that early on. I'm not sure why they feel a woman who sends them a friendly message with a bit of confidence mixed in is automatically masc I guess they are living in a different world from me.

It's not making me depressed just annoyed. Oh and the kicker is they block me afterwards lol. I feel that's overkill because I I'm pretty friendly and understanding in my messages, and I don't stick around when women reject me. I leave, lick my wounds, and immerse myself in writing/drawing/working. I don't profile/friend stalk, badger/hound them with constant messages, or do anything else to keep myself indirectly in their presence. I'm literally a non red flag person and that's very rare to come across on social media. It makes me somber because I'm extremely limited in my everyday life and I can't go traveling around and meet women offline how I'd like to try

Don't give up... With so many femme lesbians looking, it will happen

Sometimes it happens at the most unexpected time

[DazzlingNova]

I went completely out of my comfort zone and I've been off and on trying to find someone special on Instagram instead of the dating apps/sites. I'm not surprised that I'm not having very much success since I'm private about my personal life so my Instagram is more like a diary of poems so to speak and not pics/videos like everybody else. The women I have talked to have been a waste of my time, which sucks because I only sent messages to the women who pique my curiosity/had many things in common with. I just received a message from a woman I thought ghosted me months ago and it's like a reoccurring theme with them, "Sorry I'm only into masc, I don't date femmes." That's fine but I'd prefer if they'd just tell me that early on. I'm not sure why they feel a woman who sends them a friendly message with a bit of confidence mixed in is automatically masc I guess they are living in a different world from me.

It's not making me depressed just annoyed. Oh and the kicker is they block me afterwards lol. I feel that's overkill because I I'm pretty friendly and understanding in my messages, and I don't stick around when women reject me. I leave, lick my wounds, and immerse myself in writing/drawing/working. I don't profile/friend stalk, badger/hound them with constant messages, or do anything else to keep myself indirectly in their presence. I'm literally a non red flag person and that's very rare to come across on social media. It makes me somber because I'm extremely limited in my everyday life and I can't go traveling around and meet women offline how I'd like to try

Don't give up... With so many femme lesbians looking, it will happen

Sometimes it happens at the most unexpected time

Thanks anon I know you're right. I'm a bit nervous/excited to meet someone and gradually share my hopes, dreams, thoughts etc with them. When I see I've received a message I get a little giddy because I'm ready to continue the getting to know you stage just to get these odd-ish questions, and when I answer I get the above reply. It would be easier if they had "Masc only contact me," in their profile because that way we'll be able to avoid each other.

[Guest]

Thinking about how insane you have to be to get invested in a scripted reality show of two bisexual women (one may even be straight) who are clearly not going to get together.

[Guest]

Thinking about how insane you have to be to get invested in a scripted reality show of two bisexual women (one may even be straight) who are clearly not going to get together.

The way this absolute car crash has eaten practically the entire forum is so insane.

[Guest]

Sometimes (including today) I think about how I will never be able to be myself until my whole immediate family disappears and I have no one to "disappoint". Only after that I will be able to stop being a "single woman" and I imagine to find someone in my old age, who did the same as me, and we will keep each other company.